nerdeology | IC Communication

Oh- and I have your circlet. I cleaned it up; it doesn't look like it was damaged. I'm keeping it safe.

...I won't let anything happen to it. I swear. I swear, I'll make sure everyone is safe, and I'll keep your treasure safe, Mikleo, I promise you. I swear on everything I have, I-

I-I won't let-

Lailah keeps coming by to see me to make sure I eat. A few other people have been asking me too, so. You don't have to worry about that. ...wherever you are.

[It's easier to think he just went to seraphim afterlife rather than he's just-]

...the water doesn't taste right.

I think the ship might be. Contaminating it or...or something.

I'll go check the filters again.

...you're a liar.

How could you say that I'd be okay? How could you just- just say that as you died, like you knew I'd be okay?

You always acted like you knew everything about me, and maybe you did, but this time you're wrong! You're wrong, Mikleo! I'm not okay! I'm never gonna be okay!

How could you tell me that?!

You don't know anything!

How am I supposed to be the Shepherd again?! How can't I be the Shepherd again? We had the same dream! We were supposed to achieve it together- why didn't you just stay away from me? Now I'm useless, and you're dead!

You- you're an idiot Mikleo!

You didn't deserve that.

Sorry, Mikleo.

I'll...

...I'll do my best.

The stuff you were working on looks great.

...you'd probably be mad that I looked before it was finished. Well, I couldn't help it. I got ahead of myself. Don't worry, I didn't take any of the pins out.

Okay maybe I should take the pins out, because I tried it on and I got stabbed a little.

It's stupid that I don't want to, right? It's not like- like you're going to finish it. And it's probably healing or something, to acknowledge that.

I just...can't.

You'd be so annoyed with me right now. I can almost hear your voice. Sorey, you're being ridiculous, just take out the pins. Or I could just not even try it on at all, but you were working so hard on it...I don't want to just...I don't want that to go to waste.

...so! What's the verdict, Mikleo? Take them out and wear it, or leave them in and just keep it hanging around? You liked things just for aesthetic reasons sometimes. Always had these little displays around your house if we found something cool, never let me touch the delicate stuff...

But...

...you made this for me. Not for you.

I hope you don't mind, Mikleo. I took the pins out.

It looks great on me.

[Her voice sounds quiet, so as not to disturb the other patients in the clinic, but also, she just sounds tired.]

Hey. It's Nightingale. I understand if you don't want to hear me of all people right now- I wouldn't in your position- but you and Sorey have always seemed like the ridiculously forgiving types.

I heard about what happened on the planet. What happened to you. I already know death never sticks in these places, but... It doesn't make it easier. It sucks, it's scary. Lailah requested I didn't tell Sorey, in case it just got his hopes up for nothing, so you at least have that dramatic reunuion waiting for you. Oh, and Lailah's here now too, apparently.

... I'm getting sidetracked. I wanted to apologize. I acted like I knew everything, but I didn't really understand what malevolence is, and how it can affect you. How it affects you both. I should have been more understanding, I... I shouldn't have just told you to go without a plan. I'm sorry.

Everyone misses you, so... Come back soon, okay? Please.

[It’s taken Lailah some time before she decides to leave Mikleo a message. After all, there’s a chance that he’ll come back...albeit a small one. She wants to hope the water seraph will come back alive, and prays that it’s not as a dragon. She doesn’t think Sorey can handle that again. He may well completely break in that scenario.

The fire seraph turns her thoughts from that as she sends a message to him. Getting his voicemail isn’t a surprise, though a part of her hoped….]

Hello, Mikleo. I know you probably won’t get this for some time—[If ever. No, she has to stay positive.]—but I thought it’d be a good idea to let you know that I’m here when you get back. Currently, I’ve been assigned to the Pathstone as a pilot, but I’ve put in a request to switch to the Huntress as soon as there’s availability.

[Lailah pauses and, for a split second, her face falls into terrible grief and guilt. It’s been so hard keeping herself together. It’s only been a little over a week since Rose’s funeral, and now...she has to deal with Mikleo’s death. She hasn’t been really letting herself grieve other than in the privacy of her own room on the Pathstone. Sorey and the others have needed her to be strong throughout all of this.

The Lady of the Lake takes a deep breath as she schools her expression once more.]

I’m...so, so sorry, Mikleo. My flames of purification hadn’t been enough to save you, and...I wish there was an oath I could take to make my purification strong enough to save a dragon. But...[She chokes up.] But there’s not, and we have to deal with the aftermath.

[Lailah takes a moment to just...breathe and get herself recomposed.]

Sorey’s been taking it very hard, and I’m sure that comes as no surprise to you. After all, he’d been a bit of a mess after your argument in the aqueduct. [The fire seraph looks sadly fond.] I’ve been making sure he eats and has some water. Whether he sleeps...well...even I have my limits.

[She shakes her head.]

Zaveid and Dezel are doing fine, too. They miss you, even if they won’t admit it aloud, and they’ve been doing their best to help Sorey through this. So are the other friends you and he have made here. We...we all miss you terribly.

[She looks down at her lap. There has to be more that she can say. ...Ah.]

I’ve offered Sorey the choice to reinstate our pact, but I told him that he can’t give me his answer right away. I told him that he needs to really think about it before coming to me with it. Right now...right now, things are too raw and painful for him. But, no matter what he chooses, he’ll still have me as a friend. So will you, Mikleo. After all...we’re more than just Prime Lord and Shepherd or Prime Lord and Sub Lord, right?

[Lailah tries for a gentle smile. She’s doing her best to keep everyone from falling apart, but...it’s hard.]

Anyway...this message has likely gone on long enough. We miss you, and I...I hope you come back soon.

[The Lady of the Lake wipes away a stray tear as she ends the message. All she can do is pray that Mikleo will come back. For once, she hopes that death is impermanent. It’s better than seeing Sorey grieve so terribly.]

[Dezel isn't leaving this message because he has a bunch of personal stuff he needs to get out. He isn't doing it to make himself feel better. He's doing this purely because there's a good chance Mikleo will come back-- Dezel himself is proof of that-- and he doesn't want his water seraph friend to feel completely, unutterably alone.]

... Hey.

[He pauses again. The static of silence is punctuated occasionally by nature noises. He still has that damn box Sorey got him months and months ago.]

If you can hear this, you're alive.

If you're anything like me, you'll be confused, out of it, probably irritated. Everyone's going to dogpile you when they find out. You'll hate it. You'll probably say some stuff you'll regret later. Just give yourself some time before you talk to them, and take it one day at a time.

It's going to suck at first. It'll still suck sometimes. That's just how it is when you're dead and then you're alive.

And if you don't come back--

[He makes a 'tch' noise, as if the idea itself is impossible to comprehend.]

Well, I'll see you later, won't I?

[That's where he ends the message.]

Edited 2016-09-19 01:37 (UTC)

[The message starts with a quiet punctuated only by fragile, trembling breaths.

Then, a sharp inhale before Sorey begins to cry.

Twice he tries to start a sentence with a stutter of Mikleo's name before he's forced to give up, sobs keening and broken.

Eventually he calms enough to speak, though his voice is wet.] Sorry- I'm s- sorry. There's a little girl staying with me, and I- it was dark and all I saw was a sh-shape in the bed and I- gods- I thought it was you, Mikleo, I don't know why but I thought it was y- [He breaks off again, too overcome to do anything but weep.

The message ends.]

Hey, Mikleo.

What do you think people like Lailah and Zaveid and Edna see when they look at people like us?

...Lailah got mad at me.

I didn't realize how much I needed her to remind me not to be consumed by the Shepherd's duty. She was always saying it, remember? She must've known I needed to hear it over and over. And then I didn't, and I failed to remind myself, and was consumed by it again. By the lack of that responsibility.

I think that's why this happened. I felt like I was failing, and...I felt like I was going to lose all of you. Not as friends, but as...as something even more. We're all more than friends at this point.

Edited 2016-09-20 16:19 (UTC)

Anyway, so I told Lailah that I should do as much with my short life as possible, and she got mad. But, y'know, in a Lailah way.

And Dezel basically told me to suck it up, and Zaveid wouldn't even let me properly apologize. Maybe they're tired of me crying. Lord knows I am, my face can't take much more of this.

Edited 2016-09-20 16:18 (UTC)

You would probably have yelled at me about a hundred times by now. Carrying on like this, blaming myself like some kind of self-made martyr...

You know Allen yelled at me? He was pretty angry. I also think Clay threatened me, which was terrifying. He's small and smiles a lot.

Edited 2016-09-27 15:54 (UTC)

[A silence that draws on, heavy with tension.]

You died.

...to save me.

I need to stop...to stop focusing on the blame. Not to forget it, but because it doesn't do any good. It disrespects your memory.

You ran into that malevolence to try and save me. And...and even though we were twisted, you stayed by my side. Maybe it wasn't something it was supposed to be. I don't like to remember it.

But I'm not going to cover up the truth with my guilt anymore. I'm not going to dishonor what you did. You came after me because we're partners, and because you wanted to save me. I didn't need you to tell me that.

I knew it in my heart. I know you in my heart.

I got off track. Again. I wish you could answer me, you always know when to pull me back on topic.

IC Communication

no subject

9/16

no subject

9/17

no subject

no subject

2 hours later

9/18

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

30 min later

voice

[Video]

voice;

9/19 - early morning

9/20

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject